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Relationships Should Come With A Health Warning!

Do you know what the single most cause of unhappiness is?  

Relationships, or more specifically, unhappy relationships. Unhappy relationships account for more frustration, despair and stress than anything else that you could name. Yes, I know that lack of money is no fun either however, the drive to be loved, accepted and appreciated makes people settle for the most unsuitable relationships.

When we think about relationships we tend to think of romantic relationships however, relationship damage starts early.  I work with adults who have a history of drug and alcohol dependency.  If you strip the layers back far enough you will always find relationship problems at the root.  Either, they had no relationship with their parents, often because of their parent’s own substance misuse problems or they may even have been taken into care to protect them from their parents.  And what do you think caused the majority of their parents’ problems, yes you guessed it, relationships. 

Then there are the silent majority of people who struggle through each day in relationships, which not only fail to fulfil them but positively drain them.  So, why is this? 

I believe that it’s because we bring totally unrealistic expectations to our relationships.  We start of (hopefully), being accommodating.  We understand that we need to give our partners space to be themselves, to follow their own interests and to make their own mistakes.  However, over time, we unconsciously remove that space and now we expect them to remain true to the image that we have created for ourselves.  There is now little room for the other to grow and try new things.  Now they are accountable for their “mistakes”. 

I believe that this is the source of all unhappiness.  We attach our unrealistic hopes and dreams to another and unconsciously expect them to make our dreams come true.  And woe betide them if they let us down.  If only we could remove the emotion from relationships (at least sometimes).  Then we might see that we are punishing one another and causing irrespirable damage to one another and to the relationship, because of our totally unrealistic expectations.

So, this is a call to arms.  Before you embark on your next journey to heartbreak hotel (I mean relationship), take my test to see if you are ready:

  • Do you enjoy your own company?
  • Do you have an active social life?
  • Are you happy?
  • Do you enjoy your work?
  • Do you need to be in a relationship?
  • Do you quickly run into problems, when in a relationship?
  • Do you think that friendship is important?
  • Are you fulfilled?
  • Can you spend quality time with yourself?
  • Do you like yourself?
  • Do you take responsibility for the quality of your life?

If you can honestly answer yes to the questions above then you can cope with an adult relationship.  If you answered No to any of the questions above, then you must pay attention to that area.  For instance, if you said that you don’t like your work, then you need to ask yourself why you are working there.

Life is a journey full of challenges and if we stay in unhappy situations even at work; we build up stress.  Unhappiness, whether in a relationship or at work, will over time, lead to ill health.  If we continue to ignore (or not even to bother identifying) the source of our unhappiness, then eventually we will have to deal with major illness.

So, take the Relationship Test above and don’t ignore the results.  If it identifies an area that you need to work on, then work on it.  If you don’t know where to begin then get a coach to help you.

Real relationships are about two independent, self reliant and happy individuals deciding to spend there time together.  The couple should always enhance one another and be happier as a unit, than they would be alone.  When “relationsips” become bogged down by argument and stale mate, then you are no longer in a relationship, you’re in a war zone.

© Theresa Sives 2010

What do you think, should relationships  come with a health warning?    Please leave your comments below!

This entry was posted on Sunday, March 14th, 2010 at 4:18 pm and is filed under Relationship Coaching. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

333 Responses to “Relationships Should Come With A Health Warning!”

  1. Hello Theresa,

    You hit the nail on the head with this post.

    I believe it’s impossible for anyone to love or respect others more than they do themselves. To add insult to injury, not many people like themselves these days and no one is talking about it.

    Mental illness is creeping through our society and it is an illness of seclusion and separation. Slowly but ever so surely, television, phones and now even email are ensuring we keep a safe distance from each other and ourselves. Many of us have little time to contemplate our situations let alone have any idea how to extricate ourselves from this sour social soup.

    Personal relationships are often the first catch-all and therefore bear the brunt of any untoward thinking. The more we ask questions of ourselves such as you have suggested, the healthier we will become. Thank you for addressing this issue.

    Have a grand day, missus.

    Barry out.

  2. Hi Barry

    I could not have put it better myself! You obviously have a very good understanding of these issues and I can see from your own blog that your tastes and knowledge is ecliptic.

    Thank you for taking the time to comment on this post.

    Best, Theresa

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    interesting blog. It would be great if you can provide more details about it. Thanks you

  12. blog bookmarked and shared on facebook, I’ll post my feedback on my blog asap

  13. Thank for very good work!

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    I am using Akismet and I would love to be able to give you more details about it however, I’m definitely not a techie. If and when I find out more, then I will be happy to drop you a note.

    p.s I dropped over to visit your site – it’s looking good.

    Best, Theresa

  15. Hi Porfirio

    Thanks for your feedback.

    I’m delighted that you like the site and I have no problem with you sharing my posts, as long as you credit me and my site as the source.

    Best, Theresa

  16. Hi Matthew

    Thank you for your kind comments, what would a blog be without them.

    I will keep posting as long as my readers keep responding.

    Best, Theresa

  17. Hi Van Gogh

    Thank you for your kind comments, I’m delighted that you are enjoying the posts.

    I will keep posting as long as long as you keep responding!

    Best, Theresa

  18. Hi Stephan

    Thank you for your kind comments, I’m delighted that you are enjoying the site.

    I’m quite happy for you to use my posts on facebook, as long as you credit me and this site, as your source

    Best, Theresa

  19. Hi Arthur

    Thank you for your kind comments.

    I’m happy for you to share my post on your stumble upon account.

    I’m sure that it goes without saying, that I would expect to be named as your source.

    Best, Theresa

  20. Hi Mariano

    I like your style!

    I’m glad that you finally managed to finish reading the post and that you enjoyed it.

    Best, Theresa

  21. Hi Jerica

    I’m glad that you found the blog interesting.

    I’m not sure what other details you would like me to provide about the site.

    All I can say is that, all of my posts are original input, and my own work.

    Best, Theresa

  22. Hi Adela

    Thanks for your feedback – I’m glad that you enjoyed the post.

    I’m quite happy for you to share this post on facebook as long as you acknowledge me and this site as the source.

    Best, Theresa

  23. Hi

    Thank you for your kind comments.

    It’s nice to be acknowledged as a good source, by other Relationship Coaches.

    Best, Theresa

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  34. Hi Tracy

    Thanks for the feedback!

    I’m glad that you enjoyed the post and thanks for taking the extra time (which you say that you don’t normally do), to give me your thoughts.

    I appreciate it!

    Best, Theresa

  35. Hi Bob

    Thanks for the feedback!

    I’m glad that you find the information here helpful.
    When you call back again, you could let me know exactly what kind of information would be of most use to you.

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    Best, Theresa

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    Best, Theresa

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