This is a first class video about the power of visualisation and why we must use it carefully. This is another spin in the old message of “as you think so you are”. This message is, as you see your life or picture it to be, so it will be. It is the self fulfilling prophesies. I hope that you enjoy it.
As ever, I would love to hear your thoughts!
This is a great motivational speach by Zig Ziglar. With humour, Zig focuses on how we depreciate what we have, until it is almost worthless to us and how easy it is to turn this around.
One of the saddest things is when you have found someone that you really love and care for (and they love you too); however, you just can’t seem to make it work.
Millions of people find themselves trapped in this sanario and they just cannot find a way out. They try desperately to change something and because they don’t know what it is that they need to change, they normally end up trying to “change” one another. Of course this only compounds the problem. Now they still have the original source of the relationship malfunction but they have added into the mix, resentment. The resentment felt by the partner who was found to be not good enough as they were. The relationship has now taken a turn for the worse. We would all save ourselves and our partners a lot of heartache, if we subscribed to the view, that the only thing that we can change is ourselves. This is a fundamental truth.
Anyway, back to the couple with the problem. You might be thinking, well hang on, didn’t you say that they both loved each other and if you did, then what’s the problem.
Well the problem is this. If your nature is not aligned, if you don’t want the same things, then sooner or later cracks begin to appear. You might make it through the first heady days, weeks or even months of a new relationship but eventually, your different natures will begin to assert themselves. This is when the petty arguments spring up and over time, if you do not address the situation, then you find that you are spending more and more time locked in petty arguments.
This is a sad and confusing time. Sometimes couples stay locked in this phase for years, even decades. Both partners are unwilling to walk away from the person that they love. Both partners hoping, that if they just put enough work into the relationship, then things will work out. All they want is to recapture the early days, the days when nothing else mattered except each other.
So, what is the answer, well unfortunately, there isn’t one. If you are in a relationship that is characterised by bickering then this is a red flag to you. Somewhere, on some level, you are just not compatible. You can try to make all kinds of compromises; some people even try to change their nature. They recognise that most of their issues arise (for instance), because both parties like to take charge.
If both parties are really willing to compromise, for the sake of the relationship, then they might take days each, when one of the parties is in charge. With conscious compromise, this could work. However, this is an effort and will only work for as long as both parties are willing to repress their natural tendency to want to take charge.
As soon as one or both parties, stop consciously making the effort to compromise, then the relationship will quickly deteriate and may end.
© Theresa Sives 2010
Have you seen the latest cringe inducing interviews with Tiger Woods? I heard an interview with a psychologist this morning which followed yet another apology from Tiger. To my dismay both the interviewer and the psychologist felt that Tiger was not truly sorry. The gist of the exchange seemed to be, that Tiger is a role model and therefore, expected to exhibit the highest decorum.
Whilst I’m not gullible enough to believe that Tiger was apologising for the good of anyone, other than perhaps his family and sponsors; I have a problem with the media demanding that he do. Everyone, including Tiger is entitled to a private life and as far as I’m concerned, only the people, who were actually harmed by his actions, are entitled to an apology.
Anyway, don’t you think that Trust is a funny thing. Do we ever get it right. Some people believe that you should trust no one. The rest of us are normally somewhere in between. When we meet someone new we firstly apply discretion and try not to give away too much. Then we apply the common sense approach and look for signs or incongruence, which might alert us and give us a reason not to trust. Finally we revert to type. The trusting still trusts, some indiscriminately. The doubtful still doubt and the sceptical well, you know what I mean.
We all fear rejection and betrayal after all, most of us have experienced it at one time or another. No one wants to go through that pain again so, we are determined (as far as possible), not to fall for the wrong person again.
So, how do I know who to trust (I hear you say). The simple answer is that you don’t. Just like with everything else in life, you have a choice. You can choose to trust and your heart may be broken once more. On the other hand, you may have found the love of your life and go on to live the dream.
What if you decide not to take the risk of being hurt again? Well you could of course, go on to be a very happy and successful single. However, for most of us, sooner or later, we crave that special connection. That person who makes our heart skip a beat, that special some one, our soul mate (all right I know that I am going to far now). You get the picture though.
So, how do you navigate the journey from single, to blissful couple? Well the answer is that you draw up a plan. First you work out who you really are. Then you work out what characteristics your partner would need to have to make you happy and which characteristics you just couldn’t live with. Finally, you need an action plan showing where your ideal mate is likely to hang out and how you are going to meet them. If you are in a hurry to find “the one” then you might want to enlist the services of a good relationship coach.
© Theresa Sives 2010
Life Goals & Goal Setting!
If goals are nothing more than dreams with a time line, then why is it that most of the people talking about Goal Setting, manage to make them sound so boring?
If you want some free help and the opportunity to make your dreams a reality, then I have a real treat for you. Below, is a Goal Setting Video from Tony Robbins. Tony is (in my view), the undisputed king of Goal Setting. Tony will talk about the power of persistence in making your dreams come true. With the use of Brain Storming, you will set your:
• Personal Development Goals
• Career, Business and Economic Goals
• Adventure Goals
• Contribution Goals
So, if you would like to take the opportunity of putting your whole life in order, under the direction of the best in the business, then find a paper and pen, a quiet spot and then turn off all distractions.
This is a rare treat, I’m sure that you will enjoy it.
So, with no more ado – over to Tony!
As ever, I would love to hear your thoughts!
Do you know what the single most cause of unhappiness is?
Relationships, or more specifically, unhappy relationships. Unhappy relationships account for more frustration, despair and stress than anything else that you could name. Yes, I know that lack of money is no fun either however, the drive to be loved, accepted and appreciated makes people settle for the most unsuitable relationships.
When we think about relationships we tend to think of romantic relationships however, relationship damage starts early. I work with adults who have a history of drug and alcohol dependency. If you strip the layers back far enough you will always find relationship problems at the root. Either, they had no relationship with their parents, often because of their parent’s own substance misuse problems or they may even have been taken into care to protect them from their parents. And what do you think caused the majority of their parents’ problems, yes you guessed it, relationships.
Then there are the silent majority of people who struggle through each day in relationships, which not only fail to fulfil them but positively drain them. So, why is this?
I believe that it’s because we bring totally unrealistic expectations to our relationships. We start of (hopefully), being accommodating. We understand that we need to give our partners space to be themselves, to follow their own interests and to make their own mistakes. However, over time, we unconsciously remove that space and now we expect them to remain true to the image that we have created for ourselves. There is now little room for the other to grow and try new things. Now they are accountable for their “mistakes”.
I believe that this is the source of all unhappiness. We attach our unrealistic hopes and dreams to another and unconsciously expect them to make our dreams come true. And woe betide them if they let us down. If only we could remove the emotion from relationships (at least sometimes). Then we might see that we are punishing one another and causing irrespirable damage to one another and to the relationship, because of our totally unrealistic expectations.
So, this is a call to arms. Before you embark on your next journey to heartbreak hotel (I mean relationship), take my test to see if you are ready:
If you can honestly answer yes to the questions above then you can cope with an adult relationship. If you answered No to any of the questions above, then you must pay attention to that area. For instance, if you said that you don’t like your work, then you need to ask yourself why you are working there.
Life is a journey full of challenges and if we stay in unhappy situations even at work; we build up stress. Unhappiness, whether in a relationship or at work, will over time, lead to ill health. If we continue to ignore (or not even to bother identifying) the source of our unhappiness, then eventually we will have to deal with major illness.
So, take the Relationship Test above and don’t ignore the results. If it identifies an area that you need to work on, then work on it. If you don’t know where to begin then get a coach to help you.
Real relationships are about two independent, self reliant and happy individuals deciding to spend there time together. The couple should always enhance one another and be happier as a unit, than they would be alone. When “relationsips” become bogged down by argument and stale mate, then you are no longer in a relationship, you’re in a war zone.
© Theresa Sives 2010
What do you think, should relationships come with a health warning? Please leave your comments below!
To get different results then we have to do things differently. I suggest, that if you are single and you want to meet someone you could:
• Make eye contact and smile (that’s to everyone), not just to the people that you like.
• Speak to people that you wouldn’t normally speak too.
• Make the first move – introduce yourself.
• Take the time to work out the type of man/women that you are looking for and hang out where they hang out.
• Take up the hobbies, activities and interests that they participate in.
• Find out more about anyone who attracts you.
• Build lots of new fun relationship by going to parties and getting out and about.
• Have fun – you’re only relating to each other not proposing marriage.
In a relationship and want to keep it, then::
• Talk to each other
• Appreciate each other
• Go out together
• Be playful
• Have fun
• Surprise each other
• Work at keeping the romance alive
• Do things for each other
• Enjoy each other
Be yourself – tell the truth:
• If you really like someone then tell them
• If someone or something has hurt you then say
• If you love someone then say it
• Don’t try to be what you are not
• Be true to yourself
• If you need more understanding, love, sex or cuddles then ask for them.
If you can’t ask for what you want, then you are not in a relationship!
© Theresa Sives 2010
I’d like to hear from you, please leave your comments below!
Too soon old, to late wise!
These wise words are not my own however, I echo them. The relationship which I hope to build with you my reader will I hope be interactive. I hope to share with you what has worked for me over the years and for your part, I hope that you may find some wisdom in my words . If you do, then I hope that you will put it to good use and if you don’t then that’s fine.
I hope to be a kind of reference book that you can look up in subjects such as Life, Relationships, Career and Health. After all, why reinvent the wheel. If I have taken the time to study these subjects then hopefully you won’t have to. I’m not saying here that you won’t have to learn for yourself that could never help you to grow. However, I can signpost you and hopefully help you to cut down on the learning curve. My philosophy of life is the same as James of Toledo “What I want for myself, I want for everybody”.
I have studied Life Coaching, Relationship Coaching and Careers Coaching. I know the importance of having a Coach or Mentor, in helping you to achieve your goals. I hope to be your Coach and to share a long and fun relationship with you. Please be assured that anything that you see on my blog is here because I personally believe in it and recommend it to my clients and friends.
Thank you for taking the time to read this post. I hope that this will be the beginning of a long, fun and useful relationship between us.
© Theresa Sives 2010
Please leave your comments below!
Is there anyone out there married or not, in any long term relationship who could not benefit from a book like this. I have never subscribed to the view that people see their marriages as disposable. In fact, if anything, my view is that most people continue to try to apply sticking plasters to relationships that can no longer work; because the people involved have moved on and are now completely incompatible.
However, long before this stage is reached most people will want to do all that they can to save a flagging relationship. Can these relationships be saved – yes they can. If both parties are willing to put in the work, then they can be better and stronger than before.
In this book Alex Smith will show you how – over to Alex:
This can happen to you!
Your situation is not unique and more importantly – your situation is NOT hopeless.
This material works. When it is applied in a consistent manner, you will save your marriage. Thousands have already benefited from it and remain happily married. This is a proven system that has been working successfully with people in all kinds of situations and circumstances.
Stop Doing What Doesn’t Work
By now you have already made enough mistakes on your own. There are a lot of people that have made the same mistakes and more. Maybe it is time to learn from others that have made the mistakes that you haven’t yet made so that you can avoid making them! Learn wisdom. Stop doing the things that you think should be helping your marriage but are secretly destroying it.
It is time that you learn what other people just like you have learned and done to successfully win their lover’s back. Many people have saved their relationships, and restored all those wonderful things you had in the beginning…the happiness, the affection, the love, the communication…and even the sex!
Here is How I Can Help You Repair Your Marriage
Starting Right Now…
Traditional marriage counselling and advice books only work when both parties are willing and active participants and are committed to saving the relationship.
Here’s the problem, most often, there is only one person in the relationship who wants to repair the marriage and stop the divorce. This is why marriage counselling almost never works, and in most cases drives the other person even further away.
The book shows you exactly what needs to be done to repair your marriage. The mood to set in the household and how to feel what your partner is feeling are just some of the insights that you will experience when reading the book.
Here are some of the topics discussed in my book
If you would like to bring the sparkle back to your love life then click here and Alex will show you how.
At last, a relationship guide for divorced women, from a man who doesn’t think that women are from a different planet (although he does still think that they are fundamentally different). This guide is written in an empathetic style by a man who really does want to break down the barriers and misunderstandings between the sexes. The guide will help you to become clear about the type of man that you want to attract. The author Mark (in my view), rightly assumes that most women are looking for a man who is:
There’s probably more, but I think we’d agree that this is not a bad start.
Mark goes on to tell us that there are actually a fair number of guys like that out there. Not huge numbers, but enough to go around. Below, he describes the problem of meeting the right man in more detail, before giving step by step advice on how to find and attract the right man.
Over to Mark:
But here’s the problem, and it’s why we tend not to meet you. It’s hard for me to explain this is a way that doesn’t sound incredibly egotistical, but I’ll give it a try.
We know that we’re a good catch. (Much like you should know that about yourself.)
As a result, we are deathly afraid that you’ll lump us into a group that we have no respect for.
Who are those people we’re so terribly concerned you’ll associate with us?
The pickup artists…the players…the sleaze-balls who come up to you uninvited with their inane pickup lines. The seemingly ever-increasing hordes of guys who view meeting women as some sort of stupid contest in which they judge their “success” by the volume of bed partners and phone numbers they can collect.
We’d rather chaperone a high school dance than have you think we’re that type of person.
So I think you see where I’m going with this.
The unfortunate reality is that we probably won’t come over and strike up a conversation because we’re afraid that you’ll think we’re just yet another slick asshole who’s only interested in quick score.
Or, at least we won’t come over…Unless something happens first. (Which I’ll explain in just a moment.)
Not only do we not want to be lumped into the category of players and pick-up artists, but also we’ve seen what you women do after an advance has been rejected. The huddled heads and giggling. We can only imagine what you’re saying.
No, the truth is that we don’t go where we’re not invited. It doesn’t have to be a huge invitation. We’re smart. We pick up clues. But if you want us to introduce ourselves, you’ve got to make it safe for us to do so.
In a classy way.
In a fun way.
In a way that’s consistent with who you are.
You see, most women don’t get this. Sure guys like hot chicks. They’re fun to look at. But that’s not what we’re really looking for.
So if you want the great guys to introduce themselves to you, you need to learn how to send out the signals that they’re looking for.
Which is why I want to show you a proactive approach for meeting great guys. It’s based on what guys really respond to, not what women think turns us on.
I’ll discuss both the mindset that you should develop, as well as the techniques that will enable you to meet men in a way that’s both FUN and SAFE
When you finish this program you’ll not only have a new perspective, but also a compete set of tools and insights that will enable you connect with any man you want and begin things right.
I’ve spent the past 2 years putting this program together. It’s not just another ebook but a complete downloadable audio & visual presentation in which you’ll hear me explain precisely what you can do-without changing a single thing about yourself-to attract great guys. It’s based on over 115 conversations I’ve had with my own personal group of Great Guys You’d Love To Meet, and a lot of women like Gabby.
But let me warn you…it’s totally candid. I’m going to share information with you that’s probably very different than what your girlfriends tell you. But…if you’re finally ready to take a proactive approach to finding the proverbial man of your dreams (and “YES” he does exist) then this is information you need to have.
You’ll learn.
Naturally, meeting great guys is just the first step. I’m also going to share with you…
If you want to cut down on the learning curve and have the kind of relationship that you deserve now, then Mark’s guide is for you. Click here.