Live your life, remember that you came into this world alone and you will leave it alone. Don’t make anyone the centre of your universe. If you take the time to work on yourself, learn who you are, what you like and what you don’t. Then you won’t ever have to worry, about not being in a relationship. If you have Life Goals and Career Goals which you are actively pursuing, then you will be a happy and fulfilled individual. Guess what, people are always attracted to people who are living life to the full and pursuing their dreams. We are drawn to these people because they are fun and interesting. They are to busy being themselves and following their own interests, to spend time worrying about what anyone else thinks about them. They have confidence in themselves and in their decisions and they would never let their happiness depend on what anyone else says or does.

This is the recipe for a great life a great career and a great relationship and the basic ingredient is self confidence. With high self confidence you can achieve anything, with no self confidence, you will achieve nothing.

The Relationship Do’s and Don’ts below are the bases of a self confident individual who has a healthy relationship with themselves.

RELATIONSHIP DO’S

Do: -
• Understand that YOU are the most important person in your life.
• Value Yourself
• Love Yourself
• Understand that you CAN’T give to others until you have given to yourself.
• Eat Healthily
• Exercise
• Be Kind to yourself
• Know Yourself
• Have Boundaries
• Have Goals
• Have a good career that you Love
• Let Them do the chasing

RELATIONSHIP DON’T’S

DON’T: -
• Let YOUR happiness depend on what someone else does
• Make Yourself TOO Available
• Tell everyone, everything about you
• Wait around for someone else to Fill YOUR LIFE
• Give up your Life the minute that you begin a new relationship
• Give up your hobbies
• Give up your friends
• Do all of the Work in the relationship
• Chase Anyone

If you follow my Relationship DO’s and Don’ts then you will soon have radiant self confidence which will attract people to you and soon, dinner for one will be a thing of the past.

© Theresa Sives 2012

Can you even begin to imagine it, looking just as good in your fifties as you did in your twenties without spending a fortune on the latest “wonder Cream”, to keep you looking forever young. You won’t need the botox and you will never even contemplate, going under the knife. Yes – you do still have to eat healthily and exercise daily but the majority of the work is done through the power of Your Mind. Don’t you just wish that I had told you this before you spent a fortune on the latest contraption, which promised you a youthful body?

For the past ten years Deepak Chopra M.D has combined his credentials as a practicing endocrinologist with mind/body medicine, Chopra calls his model Quantum Healing.

Chopra teaches that the effects of aging are largely preventable and that by changing our PERCEPTION of aging and by being aware of our bodies and how it processes intelligence and experience, we can change how it ages. Chopra states, “…most people think that aging is fatal and scientific data shows that that’s not true. People don’t die of old age, they die of diseases that accompany old age, and they are preventable”.

Apparently aging is NOT IRREVERSIBLE, through correcting our diet and removing toxins from the body. Through exercise, yoga and breathing techniques. Through quietening the mind with meditation we can reverse the aging process.

Chopra asserts that the way we think, the way we behave and the way we eat all influence our life span by as much as 30 to 50 years and this is the really good bit. To change the aging process, all we have to do is change our concept of aging. Apparently, once your perception of the whole phenomenon changes, your reality will change, because reality is nothing other than your perception of it.

You are going to like this bit even more. To begin the reversal of the aging process you only have to make your INTENTION clear and then give it your ATTENTION. Apparently that is enough to send the biological information to the components of the body.

Chopra contends that, “If we could understand that the human body is a network of information and energy, then we would see that the same principles apply everywhere in the body”. It appears to me that these same principles apply to every other area of life including our relationships and our careers, our Expectations always determine our Outcomes. Chopra tells us that our bodies are nothing more than the Outpouring of our Belief System and our Experiences.

So, you can choose to age or you can choose not to age. What do you think about that?

© Theresa Sives 2012

This video may be in black & white however, this is Napoleon Hill and if you ever want to attract success into your life then, you will want to listen carefully to what he has taken the time to share with us.

The title of this video is “What the mind can conceive, believe & achieve”.
You know that it’s true; it’s all in the Mind. I think that this is a fascinating video, let me know what you think.

It has taken me a whole year to be able to write this post. Last year on the 27th July 2009 my sister died of breast cancer, only 3 weeks after her 49th Birthday. It was a real shock to us all, as she had only been diagnosed some 14 months before. Muriel and I were incredibly close and she was without doubt, the happiest and kindest person that I have ever had the privilege to know. Not for one second did I believe that this dreadful disease could take her life, after all she was the funniest and most positive person that you could ever hope to meet.

Right up until the last few days she was laughing and making jokes.  Once when one of the McMillan nurses asked her how she was, she replied that she was feeling awful.  She went on to add that this was because once again, her Lottery numbers had failed to come up.

Her death left me devastated and as a family we have struggled through the last year.  It just didn’t make any sense and I just could not accept it.  I had always thought of myself as a strong person however, this certainly made me wonder how people cope, particularly parents who lose children to illness.  How do people cope with sudden deaths, like terrible accidents or even worse, murder?  It seems that the people, who cope best, manage to turn these tragic events into something else, like a campaign to take knives of the streets.

I congratulate the people who struggle and find the courage and strength to do this however; I think that the majority of people don’t cope well at all.  If the average person takes a year to begin to come to terms with their loss, then what damage is being done to their health in that year.    Personally, I know that my health, relationships and career have all suffered.

This senseless death rocked my core belief system and brought into question, all that I believed to be true.   For me, it took an unplanned journey back to the hospital that my sister had died in, to bring any sense of peace.   Once more, I appreciate how important it is to be happy NOW and not to put our lives and happiness on hold, until some time in the future; when things are just how we would want them to be.

I believe that our purpose is to be happy and to make others happy.  Yes, we should always strive to make our lives and the lives of those around us better; however, we have to LEARN how to do that whilst still being happy, now.  We only have now, yesterday is where we keep our memories and tomorrow, well who knows.  If you and I can succeed in being happy now and making others around us happy, then who could ask for more.

This is a tribute to my beautiful sister Muriel who was the source of many peoples happiness.  I would say rest in peace Muriel; however, you were far to much fun for that.  It would have been your 50^th Birthday today and what a party we would have had.  Happy Birthday darling!

© Theresa Sives 2012

This could be the shortest post that I have ever written because there is no Relationship Rule Book. The beauty of relationships is that we can create the kind of relationship that we want. I say that we CAN create the kind of relationship that we want however, sadly, the vast majority of us don’t.

At the beginning we don’t feel confident enough in our relationships to set “ground rules”, this is especially true when we are particularly attracted to someone new. The relationship then takes on a life of its own, until it settles into a pattern. Neither partner consciously challenging the status quo unless things begin to go wrong.

The main problem being that most people don’t know what they want from a relationship. They have a vague idea that it should bring happiness and joy however, they never take the time to quantify what happiness and joy would look like to them. They continue to stumble around hoping that their relationships will improve with time. It’s no different than thinking that your financial problems will be solved when you win the lottery. They may well be however, do you want to spend your whole life in the hope that it might happen.

If life is not easy (and it’s not), then the path to relationship bliss is even harder to follow. It sounds easy, all you have to do is find someone that you are attracted to and who is attracted to you and the rest is history.

If only! The problem being that we don’t know what drives us, most of us are not in touch with our own wants, needs and desires and if we don’t even know ourselves, then how can we possibly tell where the object of our desires is coming from. What is driving them, what role are they playing in an effort to meet their own wants, needs and desires.

When our relationships are working well, then we don’t care about any of the above, however, what I am saying here is that we should. Once we have established a pattern to our relationship (like everything else in life), then it is very difficult to break that pattern. Once we have welcomed someone new into our lives, moved in with them and possibly even adopted the role of mother or father to their children; then this is not the time to begin to have doubts about the relationship.

As I said at the beginning relationships don’t come with a rule book (and that’s great), you can fashion any kind of relationship that suits you both. Both, being the operative word, a relationship that suits you both, (not just you and not just your partner). Cooperation and negotiation is the bedrock of a good relationship.

O.K, I hear you say, but if any kind of relationship goes, then how do I know that I am in a good one? Well that’s easy; you submit your relationship to my duck test.

You can add more questions if they are important to you however, you have got to be honest and the answers must be either YES or NO. The beauty of the Duck Test is that it takes away what people say and leaves you with the results.

How often have you heard someone say “I can’t leave him or her, because he/she loves me”, when you can clearly see that their actions are anything but loving.

You can only answer YES or NO. My duck test goes like this:

1. Am I happy when I’m with this person?
2. Do I really love/care for them?
3. Do they really love/care for me?
4. How do I know that they love/care for me?
5. Do I trust them?
6. Do I want a future with them?
7. Do I know and share their values?
8. Do I know what they want for their future?
9. Do I know what I want?
10. HAVE I TOLD THE HONEST TRUTH?

The bottom line is this – If it waddles like a duck and it quacks like a duck then it’s a duck, if it doesn’t, then it’s something else. Do you want a duck or do you want something else, only you can answer that.

© Theresa Sives 2010

Did you have the courage to submit your relationship to the duck test? If you did, then I would love to hear how you got on. Please leave your comments below.

This is no holds barred wisdom from one of the greats. If you can’t or won’t commit to building the life that you want, rather than just talking about it, then don’t waste your time watching Jim.   This is Jim Rohn at his most uncompromising and best, this is definitely not for the faint hearted.

If you watch this video and follow Jim’s words of wisdom, then you will see your dreams come true.

Jim Rohn is now deceased however, his words of wisdom are timeless gold and will endure down the ages.

Thank you Jim!

As ever, I would love to hear your thoughts!

I speak to people all the time who tell me that they worked 60 plus hours each week, they are now dependant on drugs or alcohol (as a coping mechanism), and the only thing that they are sure about, is that their relationship is fine.

 Of course the relationship is NOT fine, how can you have a meaningful relationship or a life come to that, when you are working 60 plus hours each week.  The truth is, we can only focus on one thing at a time, if our focus is all on our job, then our relationship suffers; and vice versa.  This is why we struggle so, with things like work life balance.  We simply refuse to face the truth, even when it’s staring us square in the face.  We won’t admit it, even to ourselves, but deep in our unconscious, we know how desperate and empty we feel.  We also know that if we did admit to it, then we would be duty bound to do something about the situation, so, we don’t.  We paint on a smile and try to make the best of the situation.  We continue to live a lie, just like our friends and neighbours do.  But here’s the good news, (I bet that you were beginning to wonder when that would turn up).  Well the good news is this – it doesn’t have to be like that.  I’ll say it again for the skeptics amongst you – it doesn’t have to be like that.  Well, I hear you say, tell me more.

 What You need is the Relationship Paramedics test and here it is:

 Are you happy?

Do you do things together?

Do you have shared interests?

Do you laugh together?

Do you challenge each other?

Do you plan together?

Are you looking forward to the future together?

Are you still attracted to each other?

Do you want to spend time together?

Do you like each other?

If you can honestly answer YES to all of the above, then you should be writing this post.  Most of us struggle with our relationships which often have more in common with a minefield, than the wedded bliss, that we thought we had signed up for.  If you can say YES to at least some of the above, then you have a relationship worth saving.  Here’s how you are going to save it:

Talk to each other - that means that one person talks, say for around fifteen minutes and the other one LISTENS, doesn’t start constructing a defense for when they have their turn.  No, they truly listen and try to empathise with their partner.  When their partner is finished or after fifteen minutes, then they change places.

Tell the truth - now when I say tell the truth I don’t mean to imply that anyone may be deliberately lying (although you never know).  What I mean is tell the truth as you see it.  Don’t tell your partner what you think that they want to hear, in an effort to limit the damage.  Don’t try to second guess what your partner might say or think, as a consequence of your disclosure.  Just tell the honest truth, as you see it.  I’m sure that this will be a complete revelation to some people but how can you possibly have a genuine and loving relationship with anyone, when you cannot, or will not, disclose who you really are and what you really think.  Relationships can be difficult enough when two people are open and honest with one another; they have much less chance of succeeding, when they are not. 

So, communication is the key – you knew that.  Use it well and hopefully your relationship will never need the paramedics!  

© Theresa Sives 2010

What is it about “love” that when it’s clearly going wrong, makes us think that the way to make it better, is to “love” even more”.  Come to think about it, isn’t there an old quote that says “that the only cure for love is to love even more”.   Well (in my opinion), it’s all rubbish and I wish that the young, the sad, the lonely and the unfulfilled, would stop listening to it.

Every week in life I find myself sitting with people who don’t know who they are, don’t know what they want from life and have no direction.  They don’t believe that the world has anything much to offer them, except perhaps (if they are lucky), a job.  The really sad thing is that they appear to be living their lives backwards.  They have the relationships, the children, the council house and the debt.  They have been robbed of enthusiasm, promise ambition and even hope for anything better. 

Where once society insisted that you have a job and are able to provide, before you embarked on having a family.  Now you just take it as it comes.  The result of this is plain to see in the tired, downtrodden faces of the young people who are living this lie.

How can it be, with the money that we plough into education each year that our young people are still leaving school with no sense of self worth and no idea of who they are? Let me say right now that I don’t blame teachers for this, giving our children self belief is without doubt, the domain of the parents. 

However, with so many single parent families and the long hours that adults work, there has to be a case for making confidence building throughout the school years, a priority.  After all, what a child achieves and what he fails to achieve, is all down to the level of self confidence that he feels; and his expectations of achievement or failure.  So, this is a call to look at the school curriculum with fresh eyes and from the point of view of building self confident children, who know who they are, and what they are capable off. 

My ideal curriculum would have as its major priorities:

• Reading
• Writing
• Confidence Building
• Enterprise
• Debt Management
• Relationships

When we have no self confidence, when we don’t know who we are, then we are easy prey to “falling in love”.  We project all of our unmet needs onto this person who has shown an interest in us.  We believe that there strength will carry us through.  Of course the truth of the matter is, that we don’t attract what we want, we attract who we are. 

The end result is often said to be “two starving individuals, trying to take each others food“.   Children then enter this chaotic mix and everyone is dependent on the state to provide.  This saps self worth even further and we now have a new generation of children, who have come into the world, with little or no hope for the future.  Individual happiness often centres on how someone else feels that day, be it their partner or their parents.

I don’t need to tell you that this is a recipe for disaster.  How long will we allow it to continue and how many more young lives will be wasted, before we accept that our life is all about confidence and relationships.  The quality of our lives reflects our self confidence; we can only have boundaries in our relationships when we know who we are.  Until then, we will fall in and out of unsuitable relationships, sometimes with disastrous results.  We will blame it all on MEN or WOMEN and we will go on believing that love, well it’s a kind of madness!

© Theresa Sives 2010

Stephen Hawking is a British theoretical physicist, whose world-renowned scientific career spans over 40 years. Stephen tells us that “the universe has no beginning, no ending, and no outer edges in space; it’s like a giant quantum soup”.

Deepak Chopra is an author and lecturer on Ayurveda, spirituality and mind-body medicine. Deepak asserts that “time doesn’t exist, it is just a concept, we made it up”.

So, now that we have cleared that up, we have to ask ourselves why we ever bought into the concept of time in the first place. How did it come about? I mean what did someone say that got sensible people like you and I, to buy into a system, that sees us spend the best part of the day and the best part of our lives, enslaved in some office, factory or the like; for 7 hours or more, five days a week.

If time was really money then we would never need to work at all, we could all just stay home and still get paid. If time was really money, then businesses like British Telecom who are obsessed with time (because they believe that time is money), would have gone from strength to strength as they micromanaged every second of their employees time.

In the year 2000 a British Telecom share was worth around £15.13 today they are worth around £1.34. Do you think that these companies have now woken up and realised that Time is NOT Money. It is not enough to talk about your VISION, BEST VALUE and CUSTOMER SERVICE when you constrict so tightly, the time that your employees are allowed to spend talking with your customers, that it is impossible for them to provide the First Class Customer Service that you constantly talk about.

Time is not money and time alone can never make anything. If any of us want to make money, then the only way that we can do that, is by offering our customers what they want, at a price that they are happy to pay. To set ourselves apart from every other vender, offering the same items in the same marketplace, we build a relationship with our customer and we call that customer service.

No, time does not exist and if these companies don’t radically mend their ways, then very soon, they may not exist too.

© Theresa Sives 2010

More people die on a Monday at 9.00 am, than on any other day of the week. 

Shocking isn’t it?  Deepak Chopra M.D is a world-renowned authority in the field of mind-body healing.  Deepak tells us that that there is a test which helps to determine which people will die after suffering their first heart attack, without ever having the opportunity to change their life styles. 

You might think that this test would be a very in depth set of procedures, or some newly designed, highly technical equipment.  Not at all, here is the test and you can take it in just two minutes.   If you are ready then here it is:

• Do you have any meaning in your life?  We are referring here to your career, job, employment or what ever it is that you do, to earn your living.
•  Are you happy?  Here we are referring to your life including your love, personal and one to one relationships.

Apparently, if you can answer YES to both of these questions, then you are highly unlikely to suffer from any major health problems.  Let me just repeat this.  If you work every day and find no meaning in that work, or are dissatisfied with your job; then you dramatically increase your risk of dying from your first heart attack.

Now that we understand how important it is to be happy in our work, let’s look a little closer at how you might have chosen, how you spend up to 7 hours of your day; on an average of some 5 days each week.

Well you might have begun by making a list of all of your skills and attributes.  Then you might have listed everything that you have enjoyed doing in your past and why.  You might then have noted how many days or hours you would like to work per week and how far you are prepared to travel.  You may also want to consider whether or not you would be prepared to work long hours, unsocial hours or shifts.

Once you have made a list of your wants including salary, annual leave etc, you might look back at your current skill sets and attributes.  Has a particular career path presently its self?  If not, then it’s time to look deeper and carry out some research.  Jot down around six career choices which really appeal to you.  Now research these careers, the quickest way is to go on line.  You can either research current vacancies for these careers, which will tell you whether or not you are likely to find work in that career path after you have retrained.  You also want to find the Person Specification, which will advise you of the necessary skills to carry out this kind of work.  You need to pay close attention to which skills listed there are mandatory and which are just desirable.

If you do not hold the necessary qualifications for the post then you need to consider whether or not it would be in your best interests to attend college/university or to retrain.  Again, you would need to consider the financial implications of spending 1-4 years in full time education.  Would you need to travel to college/university, or indeed, might you have to move home. 

And lastly, you would want to research the jobs available in this field for graduates.  You do not want to spend X amount of years of your life studying, only to graduate with a huge amount of debt and then find, that there are very few vacancies in your field.  Tragically, every year thousands and thousands of people fail to carry out this basic research, they then find them selves unemployed with large student debts hanging over their heads.

Alternatively, you might think that this all sounds far too much like hard work.  You might instead opt to do what millions of people have done before you and accept the first job that comes your way.  As ever in life, the choice is yours but please remember what I said at the outset:

More people die on a Monday at 9.00 am, than on any other day of the week. 

You Have Been Warned!   

© Theresa Sives 2010