Help – My Relationship’s not working!
One of the saddest things is when you have found someone that you really love and care for (and they love you too); however, you just can’t seem to make it work.
Millions of people find themselves trapped in this sanario and they just cannot find a way out. They try desperately to change something and because they don’t know what it is that they need to change, they normally end up trying to “change” one another. Of course this only compounds the problem. Now they still have the original source of the relationship malfunction but they have added into the mix, resentment. The resentment felt by the partner who was found to be not good enough as they were. The relationship has now taken a turn for the worse. We would all save ourselves and our partners a lot of heartache, if we subscribed to the view, that the only thing that we can change is ourselves. This is a fundamental truth.
Anyway, back to the couple with the problem. You might be thinking, well hang on, didn’t you say that they both loved each other and if you did, then what’s the problem.
Well the problem is this. If your nature is not aligned, if you don’t want the same things, then sooner or later cracks begin to appear. You might make it through the first heady days, weeks or even months of a new relationship but eventually, your different natures will begin to assert themselves. This is when the petty arguments spring up and over time, if you do not address the situation, then you find that you are spending more and more time locked in petty arguments.
This is a sad and confusing time. Sometimes couples stay locked in this phase for years, even decades. Both partners are unwilling to walk away from the person that they love. Both partners hoping, that if they just put enough work into the relationship, then things will work out. All they want is to recapture the early days, the days when nothing else mattered except each other.
So, what is the answer, well unfortunately, there isn’t one. If you are in a relationship that is characterised by bickering then this is a red flag to you. Somewhere, on some level, you are just not compatible. You can try to make all kinds of compromises; some people even try to change their nature. They recognise that most of their issues arise (for instance), because both parties like to take charge.
If both parties are really willing to compromise, for the sake of the relationship, then they might take days each, when one of the parties is in charge. With conscious compromise, this could work. However, this is an effort and will only work for as long as both parties are willing to repress their natural tendency to want to take charge.
As soon as one or both parties, stop consciously making the effort to compromise, then the relationship will quickly deteriate and may end.
© Theresa Sives 2010
Hi Theresa,
You have written an interesting post,although I can’t agree with your point that if a relationship is characterised by bickering, then on some level you are just not compatible. Although I do think there is a problem with communicating effectively. This means actually listening to what your partner is saying to you and responding in a way that is respectful to their point of view.
I have enjoyed reading some of your other posts so I will return to your blog often!
Good Luck on the Masterclass course.
Ray.
Hi Ray
Thank you for your feedback!
It is always good to hear different points of view, isn’t that what a blog is for.
It looks as though we will have to agree, to disagree on this one.
Best, Theresa
Heya¡ my very first comment on your site. I have been reading your blog for a while and thought I would pop in and drop a friendly note. It is great stuff indeed. I also wanted to ask..is there a way to subscribe to your site via email?
Hi Annabelle
Nice to hear from you and I’m glad that you enjoy the blog.
I am just putting the finishing touches to a free E Book called Save Your Life & Your Relationship. When you sign up for it, I will then be able to email you out, free advice and guidance.
Best, Theresa
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