ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE?
This week within 24 hours I found myself sitting with a man who was suicidal and the following morning, I was listening to a young woman who was drunk on life.
The man (who I will call Tom), could only see what was missing in his life. He told me that he was a nice man and that he had never done anyone any wrong (and this was true). He went on to say that the people in his life had treated him badly and it’s true to say that he had a very difficult upbringing. He was full of self pity, he felt that the world was not treating him well and that he deserved better, (and he was probably right).
What this man couldn’t see though, was that he was well liked, and that he has lots of good friends and professionals around him, who are all willing to help him. He couldn’t see or appreciate the good in his life, as all of his focus was on the bad.
The following morning I was at the hairdresser. The woman who cut my hair (whom I will call Sally), was around the same age as the man that I had spoken with the day before and there the similarity ended.
Sally glowed with happiness. I have known Sally for over a year now and she is consistently full of good cheer. Sally knows what her priorities are and you only have to listen to her for a moment, to know that her Husband and her two young daughters are the centre of her world. Sally is 100% dedicated to her family, she loves them dearly.
This week we have had around 18 inches of snow (in Scotland), and the country has ground to a halt. People are worrying about reaching their jobs, doing their Christmas shopping and the fact that the Lorries which deliver our groceries to the supermarkets are stuck in the snow. Sally’s not worried though, she told me that she has already bought the girls Christmas presents on line and that nothing else really matters; as Christmas is all about the children.
Sally went on to say that her Husband had been asked to drive a family member to Edinburgh Airport, from her home in East Lothian. Sally was worried about this, as the snow was deep and the roads were icy. To make matters worse this journey took place late at night. Sally told me that she sat up all night and didn’t go to bed until her Husband was safely home.
I’m sure that it’s obvious to you that Sally’s family thrives, how could they not with such devotion. Her Husband is happy and her children are well adjusted and do well in school.
So, what is the difference between Tom and Sally? Yes, it’s true that Tom was robbed of a loving childhood and therefore his map of the world and his coping mechanisms have not transferred well into adult hood. Tom has however, had the benefit of counselling and the ongoing support of many professionals. Despite this, Tom‘s focus is on the past and he continues to replay the situations that he found himself in, as a child. When he does this he experiences the same helplessness that he experienced then.
You might think that well, it’s a shame about Tom but what does this have to do with me? The answer is everything.
You and I (hopefully), have far less to deal with than Tom does however, millions of people let their past or their lack of focus, ruin their lives. They drift from one relationship to another, one job to another, one thought to another. They never commit to anything or anyone and they wonder why their lives are so empty and have little meaning.
Commitment is almost a dirty word but surly the joy in our lives come from the things that we commit ourselves too. Our relationships, our family and our children. Sally knows this and if you and I want to experience true happiness, not just this Christmas, but every other day of our lives, then all we have to do is truly commit ourselves to what we really want.
Tom is beginning to build a picture of a compelling future that he can commit himself too. If Tom can do that then why can’t you?
© Theresa Sives 2012
I hope that this post encourages you to make a commitment to yourself this Christmas and if you would like to share your commitment with us, then we would love to hear it.
Merry Christmas and may all of your hopes and dreams be realised in 2012!
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Theresa
What a great post especially with christmas just around the corner and a new year too boot!
Its amazing how your attitude and focus can determine how your life will turn out, but its the truth as your story explains so well!
We all have challenges in our lifes, but its how we react too those challenges that matter!
All the best
Nick
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Hi Theresa, I have always thought that some people cope very well with a huge amount of tragedies in life, and others who have relatively little tragedy find it very hard to cope with anything at all. I believe it’s just the way we are made, but if we can find hope we will get through. Good luck for 2011.
Enjoy the journey.
Mandy
Hey Theresa,
I really enjoyed your story as I could relate to it very much. In the past I too was Tom but since then i have committed to transforming my way of thinking in to your character Sally. Since then life has never been better. I have built a secure future for both myself and my daughter. My outlook on life now has changed big time. I’m no more a half empty person but a half full kind of girl. All the best for 2011 and may it be a successful one too.
Kind Regards
Kerry Russell
Hi Theresa
That’s a very moving story with so many valid points. The level of negativity which some people have is very sad thing. We are alive on Earth for such a short time so really need to try to make the most of it.
I know that is easier said than done because of many peoples circumstances but there are also many people who just want to complain about how bad things are.
That is one of the joys of being part of John Thornhill’s Masterclass. Lots of like minded people in a positive frame of mind.
Here is to a happy and sucessful 2011.
Cheers
Chris
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